My daughter Caitlin died due to a combo of heroin and meth last week.
She was addicted to heroin for a few years, this I knew; but I knew nothing about the meth…
I live far away from my children, and we’ve always been a family with secrets. My children were beat by at least one of my ex wife’s boyfriends. And, at 16, my son was kicked out of his family home and told to never come home.
It came as no shock that Caitlin, like her brother, had drug issues. Nor was it a shock that I was the last to know. Hell, I am only their father: why tell me? Family secrets… I understand. I grew up the same way. My own mother, who passed on in May, took many secrets to the grave — and taught my sisters and myself to do the same.
No one made Caitlin take drugs. She had a good education, and she saw first-hand what drugs did to her brother and some of her pals. She even saw my own fight with alcohol. I would have thought she’d have no interest in hard drugs. How wrong I was.
I know far better then to blame cannabis use as a “gateway” — that is simply not true. As angry as I am, I cannot blame cannabis use for what happened. In fact, I believe that if cannabis had been legal, she probably would have been a pot head, but she would still be alive today.
Reading both Dark Alliance and The Politics of Heroin: CIA Complicity in the Global Drug Trade (among other books) I cannot help but think: did the heroin that killed my daughter come from South Asia as a way to fund some secret war or project?
I have other questions too: from “why is heroin cheaper than other drugs?” to “why are so many young kids turning to a drug(s) that they know will, in time, kill them?”
I am VERY thankful that Caitlin’s ex husband got their two daughters out of their mother’s home. No child deserves living with a mother hooked on drugs.
I wish she had come to me with her secret. I wish I could have helped. But what’s done is done. At least my granddaughters are safe. It’s just a damn shame that hard drugs killed their mother.
Farewell, Caitlin. Rest in peace.